


How to Date a Dork: The Jock's Guide to Dorking Properly

by TyrantGuardian



Category: Ed Edd n Eddy
Genre: Aquariums, Awkward Sexual Situations, Dating, Falling In Love, Fluff, Implied Sexual Content, Kissing, Long-Term Relationship(s), M/M, Mutual Pining, Romance, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, high school sweethearts, sweet stuff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-04
Updated: 2018-12-27
Packaged: 2019-08-17 09:06:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16513382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TyrantGuardian/pseuds/TyrantGuardian
Summary: After the most romantic thing any two people can do -stare at a bunch of fish- a jock named Kevin decides it's time to start dating a dork named Double D.  But before our red haired hero can enjoy the bliss of romance and eventual, maybe, totally-gonna-happen hanky panky, he's got to ask Edd out first.  More or a less a fun* story about the two getting together and all the cute, weird things that happen after it.(*Fun may vary.  There are no refunds if your required fun level(s) are not reached.  Read at your own risk.)





	1. How to Ask a Dork Out on a Date

**Author's Note:**

> The entire story came about because I wanted to do something Kevin/Double D related with stripper poles, at some point, but don't ask me when since this quick one-shot ballooned into whatever it is now because apparently, I have no self control. I have no idea how many chapters this will be, I just know my goal is to get to my beloved stripper pole and maybe a marriage proposal by the end. Be aware that I have a torrid love affair with commas and am completely, unabashedly, unapologetic for it. Additional Tags to be added as not to give away future chapters/parts. (And because I'm too lazy to put em all in now. But we'll be nice and call it 'going with the flow'.)

Most people probably wouldn’t be able to tell you exactly when they knew they found that special someone, but Kevin Barr sure as hell could.

It was the day before their fall break last year and the junior class got dragged on this lame trip to the aquarium.As everyone split up to look around and goof off, Kevin searched for the nearest bench. He planned to take a long nap.It was nice to get an easy day before getting a couple of weeks off, but the popular jock had no intention of wasting time staring at a bunch of boring ass fish.

That was until he walked into a large dome shaped room.There was a spiral stair case in the center that had a round viewing platform at the top.The tiled floor was a checker pattern blue and white and the seam between the floor and glass dome was lined with white lights.The room itself was a large aquarium with beautiful coral and all sorts of tropical aquatic life swimming all around him.

“Choice!” he whispered breathlessly. 

Then he looked up at the platform earnestly and noticed Double Dork standing there watching the fish. Kevin’s lips parted and for the first time ever, he felt like he really took notice of the dork. 

Same ole sockhat and sweater vest with jeans and loafers, but because it was windy, he‘d worn a matching cardigan and scarf that day.He had these beautiful eyes that reflected the light from the aquarium, making them look shimmering and bright.Then there was that warm, welcoming smile plastered on his face.It was just big enough to show those dazzling pearly white gap teeth encased with lush lips that seemed to say “Kiss me, Kevin!”Or whatever, that’s all he could hear in his head as he stared at them for an unhealthy amount of time anyway.Then there was that cute pokablebutton nose, slightly dusty pink cheeks, and those strands of untucked shiny black hair that he bet smelled like soap or flowers or whatever that stuck out of the dork’s hat like always.

The combination just screamed perfection and it all just clicked to Kevin. He knew his face was turning red as his heart began to beat rapidly in his chest and he struggled to tear his eyes away from the beautiful scene.He shoved his hands in pockets of his windbreaker and tried to bail but his dork caught him and called out to him. “Hello Kevin!Would you like to hear about the fish?”

Yes.Yes he totally would. Because that meant he could stand there next to him. On that platform. In the super awesome fish room. Even if said fish were still boring as hell. 

A chain reaction began after that day.

He started seeking his dork out, inquiring about his interests, engaging him as best he could in topics his dork favored, and listening to him rattle off knowledge, not really caring what was said as long as Double D said it.Once he found out he was still in the band, he started swinging by the music room just to catch his practices and show support, so in turn, Edd started showing up to his various football practices, waving this little flag with his number on it while he watched from the bleachers. In gym, Kevin helped Edd out so in math, Edd helped him.

At lunch, he started sitting with him, dragging most of the popular kids desperate to stay in his good graces with him, all of whom started being nicer to Edd as a result.He himself tried being nicer to Ed but more so Eddy, who he found it surprisingly easy not to fight with all the time.When the shrimp wasn’t being an ass that is, but hey!Eddy was Eddy and still the King of the Dorks.It was the trying that counted and as long as Edd noticed it, that’s all he cared about really.

At some point, he started just calling him Edd and in return, Edd called him Kev.He found himself always finding reasons to talk about Edd when he wasn’t around, much to the annoyance of others, save Nat and Nazz.He turned down date after date, blew everyone off at one point or another just to spend more time with Edd and finally, last week, punched the daylights out of a fellow teammate when the jerk tried stuffing his precious nerd in a locker.He didn’t ask why he’d been dumb enough to try it, or even cared about the after school detention that followed.He just made _damn_ sure that everyone else knew not to mess with Eddward Vincent.And they didn’t, so thankfully, his knuckles caught a break.

They texted all the time and talked on the phone for long hours of the night and really, with the exception of formally meeting each other’s folks, it felt like the two were already dating.Except no, they weren’t, because neither had gone and made it official—yet. Because, well, he didn’t really know why actually.

Especially since everyone else could see it.Nazz kept pushing him to ask Edd out.Rolf offered to do it for him. Nat practically hurt himself and others with the constant plotting and scheming to push them together. His own mother tried to secretly invite Edd and his parents to dinner one Sunday. Ed already addressed the two like they were a couple and even Eddy kept making snide remarks about the two getting it over with.

He just hadn’t gotten around to it and knew Double D was too shy to ask him first, probably intimated by all this awesomeness and mystique that was, Kevin Barr.™️  He could understand it.He’d be afraid to ask himself out too—he was an incredible guy and irresistible to boot after all—but seriously, he couldn’t fathom what was stopping Edd!It couldn’t be cause he thought he wasn’t good enough: that was just plain dumb!Maybe Edd was afraid he might say no, which made him laugh cause he practically had to punch himself in the balls to keep from pouncing on and ravishing the nerd most of the time.He didn’t have a boyfriend or a crush, cause Kevin made sure to know about it—gotta keep an eye out for competition, after all!So yeah, he was sticking with Edd really was just that shy.

So it was all up to him to do it.But Edd was special, and he didn’t want to simply ask him.Oh no, _this_ needed to be an event! He needed to show his lovely nerd that an extraordinary person like him deserved to be asked out in an extraordinarily amazing way!Something that had meaning, that could really wow him and hopefully woo him into saying yes to the date!

It took him a while but he’d finally thought of something.He wasn’t sure it was going to work, but he had to try it nonetheless: today was the last day he could do it before they were all out for Winter Break and he wanted to get them official before Christmas.He had so many fun ideas that would only work if they were dating—well okay, friends with benefits maybe, but it would be better if they were dating cause Edd was a stand up guy and he could persuade him better if they were already a couple.

He watched the clock impatiently.His eyes followed the hands as they ticked along, that same ticking sound getting stuck in his head.By the time the bell rang to leave, he’d made up a entire beat that he was humming to himself.

Gathering his things as fast as he could, he rushed out of the classroom to catch up with Jimmy.

 

* * *

 

Jimmy looked himself over in the mirror once more preening.He moved a bit of his curly bangs to the side, blinking his eyes and gave himself a bright, unbraced smile.Satisfied, he smoothed out the wrinkles in his shirt before checking his appearance one more time.  Perfect!He was ready for the world!Or just gardening but there was nothing wrong with looking fabulous while he did it!

With a pivot on his heel, he made his way out the boy’s restroom and walked the few corridors to his destination: a row of lockers.  Leaning up against a set he knew well, he waited, folding his arms over his chest as he heard the bell ring overhead.  The students started filing out of the classrooms noisily, some tossing him greetings as they passed by.He waved back at a few while his eyes scanned the thinning crowd. Finally, Kevin came strutting down the hall towards him.As soon as Kevin saw him, the redhead made a beeline over to him while looking all around before he spoke.

“You got the stuff?” Kevin whispered still looking over his shoulder.

“I got the stuff.” Jimmy whispered back, patting his locker lightly.“You got the stuff I need to make it better stuff?”

“Sure, sure, here.”Kevin replied hastily while taking something out of his book bag and shoving it in Jimmy’s hand, who looked around quickly before opening his locker and shoving it in.He turned back at Kevin smiling.“Everything should be ready by the end of school.Marie is already waiting for me.”

“Great, I’ll—" Kevin instantly stopped talking as a straggling student rounded the corner to come to his locker. 

The two watched the guy’s every move, Jimmy anxiously and Kevin with a suspicious, accusatory glare and once he noticed them watching, he watched back in concern.Once he was done switching out books, the three had a weird stare down until Kevin narrowed his eyes at him in a threatening way and spooked, the guy hastily went about his business, rounding the corner he’d come from as fast as he could.

“Who was that?”Jimmy whispered, thinking the guy must have been someone on Kevin’s patented shit list or a blabber mouth that might snitch something to Double D.

“No idea, I’ve never seen him before.”Kevin admitted and Jimmy gave him a dumbfounded look that Kevin missed. “Anyway, I’ll be there after I check with everyone else.You need anything, tell Sarah and she’ll get it back to me.”

Jimmy gave him a thumbs up and Kevin returned it before heading to his next class. Making sure he was completely alone first, Jimmy took everything he needed out of his locker, including his work headscarf and smock, then went about getting to his new destination, excited to start on his work.

 

* * *

 

After a painfully hard-to-get-through chemistry class, where he had to give Edd the cold shoulder and watch him plaster some junk on his sweater and leave class early to clean up, Kevin quickly strolled into the lunch room.He ignored all the lame attempts people made to get his attention.He didn’t have time for the sucking up crap right now: he had a nerd to date.He searched around until he spotted Nazz and jogged to catch up with her as she emptied out her tray.

She smiled at him as he approached and waved with her free hand.“Hey Kevy! How’s it hanging dude?”

“Pretty well, babe!You ready for later?”

“So ready!”Nazz cheered as she tucked her tray away with the others.“Already got the outfits ready and the girls seem super jazzed!”

“Perfect!Hey, thanks a lot, I really owe you one!” He smiled and she gave him a big hug.“No problem!It’s fun to dress up and I think some of the girls want to work the outfits into a routine!Maybe we can push for a prep rally for the swim team or something!”

He snorted at the thought.“Yeah sure.Whatever works, I guess.”He kicked at imaginary dirt before he continued. “You don’t think it’ll be too much, do you? I mean, do you think Edd will like this?”

“Oh, you betcha!Double D’s gotta say ‘yes’ for sure!. . .Or freak out from such a big gesture and run away screaming! Either way? You’ll get a reaction.” Nazz said and Kevin rolled his eyes as they left the lunch room together to help Nat gather the lights from the prop room.

 

* * *

 

“Yeah! Now hang up the last one right there!”Marie shouted through cupped hands and motioned for Ed to move to the left.He did as he was told and shot her a thumbs up before climbing off the ladder.

“Just in time!” She said not having to look to see Kevin coming in, carrying a box of lights.“Whaddaya think?” She asked, dusting her hands off on her smock and jeans. The redhead looked around the central clearing of greenhouse in amazement, his mouth hanging open as he took it all in.

“This is amazing.” He whispered and Marie slapped him on the back as Jimmy, Ed, and Sarah gathered around. “Well duh!I told you when I drew the design that it would look amazing!Jim has the perfect green thumb that helped put it all together!”

The group as a whole took a chance to really look around, swelling with pride.“I wish someone would do something like this for me.” Jimmy sighed dreamily and Sarah agreed before giving Jimmy’s shoulder a squeeze. “You did a great job!Now all we need are the lights!”

“Got some right here.” Kevin said as he passed the box to Ed.“Nat’s coming with the rest.”

“Good good,” Marie yawned as she stretched before putting an arm around Kevin’s shoulder.She poked him in the gut.“You just better not screw this up, meathead!”

“Yeah!After all the trouble we’ve gone through to get this done?You two better be dancing under the moonlight and making googling eyes later!” Sarah agreed as she dusted some dirt off of her pants, then eying Ed, knocked some off of his jacket.

“Relax, I got this!” Kevin said confidently, feeling a swell of of excitement as he looked the place over again.Everything looked perfect enough already, there was no way Edd could say no!All he needed now was for Nat to arrive with the rest of the lights, Nazz to show up with the cheerleaders, and for Eddy to deliver the note to lure Double D here. 

“Do you think Double D will like it?”Jimmy asked hopefully, cupping his own face with his hands.“He better!”Sarah grouched. “I had to skip three classes to help set this up, including free period and lunch!”

“Don’t be mad, little sister! Double D will get so happy that he won’t be able to talk!” Ed announced as he scooped the pair up and hugged them, ignoring their struggle. 

“Get off of us, Ed!” Sarah shrieked as Marie watched the scene in boredom and Kevin made his way back out the greenhouse.Sarah noticed. “And just where are you—"

 “Gotta make sure everyone else is getting ready! I’ll be right back!” Kevin shouted back as he jogged away to find Eddy.

 “You better hurry up!  We could use some help with the rest of this crap!”Sarah screamed after him.She looked down to see Ed still hugging them, Jimmy now returning the hug happily.She glanced over at Marie who was pretending to fix a bush and ignore her plight. She sighed and just let it happen.

 

* * *

 

“So you got the chess club to cancel the meeting?”

“Yep!They already came up with a good excuse.Double D can’t ask any of them to take him home, and we’ve all been avoiding him so he can’t ask us neither!He’s stuck at school unless he walks home and he should've gotten the note by now!”

“You already gave it to him?”

“Stuck it in his locker before last period. Double D should've read it before his last class.”  Eddy replied smoothly as he placed books in his locker.

“What if he hasn’t—"

“Relax, Shovelchin, this ain’t my first note passing! I watched and made sure he got it, so all you gotta do is ask your stupid question and get him to say yes!”Eddy snapped as he secretly folded the very note he totally hadn’t given to Double D yet. He forgot about it, what with more important things like his next big scam on his mind, but Kevin didn't have to know that and in turn, he didn't have to get punched for it.  He shoved the paper into the inside of his jacket pocket before shutting his locker.“If you’re so worried, why couldn’t you just give it to him, huh?!”

“I _told_ you dork, I have to help Nat and the others finish setting up the lights, I still gotta grab the blankets from Sarah’s car, and I have to finish putting all the food in the basket!”Kevin snapped while jabbing him in the chest.“I just wanted to make sure he got the note!Everything’s gotta go right on this!  It really looks like Edd’s had a shit day!”Then Kevin looked downright guilty.“Everyone’s been icing him over this and it probably didn’t help.  I feel real bad about that.  I just hope all this is worth it and can make it up to him.”

As much as he hated to admit it because, well, _Kevin_ , Eddy was glad Double D found a soon-to-be boyfriend that already cared about him so much.“Please, stop bellyaching!Once he gets a load of everything you did, he won’t even remember us givin him the ole cold shoulder. He’ll be fine!”

The final bell rung and Kevin went wide eyed with panic.“Shit!We’re not done setting up and he’s on the way there!”

“Relax, I got it.” Eddy replied smoothly as he slapped Kevin as hard as he could on the back and spun him toward the exit where the parking lot waited. “Grab the blankets or whatever, text me when your done.I’ll stall Sockhead until then.”

He pushed Kevin forward and the jock cast him a warning sneer before doing as he was told just as the other students filed out to go home.Eddy watched him disappear from view before he quickly made his way towards Double D’s locker.  He picked the lock open, slapped the note inside, then purposely jammed it before slamming the door shut. As he heard footsteps approaching, he ran to hide behind a corner just as Double D rounded the other coming towards him.He watched with anticipation as Edd began to put in the combination to his locker, knowing what was about to happen, then began to feel bad as he saw the miserable look he had. 

Guess Kevin wasn’t kidding about the shit day thing.He and Ed definitely owed him a trip to the planetarium, or zoo, or aquarium, or museum, or some nerdy place to make today up to him.

He heard Edd give his idea of a curse under his breath as all his books and papers spilled out of his locker, including the note that was effectively buried.As planned really, as he knew Edd was a neat freak and figured having to clean up and reorganize his locker would stall him long enough for Kevin to finish.

The problem is, Double D was sorta just throwing all of his things back into his locker, not really trying to organize and obsess over it like normal, meaning he would be done far too soon and more than likely wouldn’t notice the note.  Great.  Because Kevin was too dumb to remember that technology exists, if he didn't get in there and fix this, everyone would blame him and get pissed off.And knowing the likes of Kevin and Sarah, try n’ pummel him for it.

As Double D made to pick the rest of his stuff, one of his pencils rolled close to Eddy's foot.  A light bulb went off in his head as he picked it up and looked it over.  Smirking, he made his way over, realizing his little locker stunt was still the perfect diversion: he just needed to appeal to his best friend’s quirks.


	2. How to Ask a Dork Out on a Date 2

Double D sighed wearily as he put in the combo into his locker.The final bell just rang and for once, he was thankful for the school day to be over.

He was sure he’d only gotten a 98% on the test he should have aced.  The final chess club meeting of the year—the one he’d been looking forward to all week—had been canceled because a significant number of the members were sick.  Kevin snubbed him during chemistry class, and he ended up working alone...only to mess up a basic compound and get junk all over one of his favorite sweater vest, effectively ruining it.  He forgot his lunch at home, so he studied through that period while drinking lukewarm water because all the vending machines were out of order.  The library was closed due to renovations, so he couldn’t spend his usual free period there. It was cold today and he had no ride home after school since his own car was in the shop, his chess club contact was one of the members out with the flu, and his friends, well, were acting like odd asses.

For the most part, everyone was being evasive in the short conversations they held with him, made excuses to get away once they were done being evasive, stopped talking once he came near them, or flat out avoided him altogether.Kevin, as mentioned, was snubbing him.Eddy was clearly spying on and following him around, but not really engaging him. Then Ed went so far as to lift him over his head and carry him to his next class when he’d gotten too close to the green house, insisting Kevin didn’t want the man eating plants to devour him.

So clearly, Kevin was plotting something in the green house and everyone was helping him, hence their odd and downright cold behavior.Which wouldn’t bother him so much, if he weren’t already having such a crap day.But he was.So it was just furthering his crappy time.

Just like this stupid locker that decided to jam. On. _HIM_!He yanked as hard as he could before he pried it open.Right on cue, books and papers flew everywhere, just _everywhere_ , and Double D growled in frustration.What did he do in a past life that would result in him having this bad of a day?!Good thing he couldn’t drive home, cause he’d probably go careening into a ditch at this rate!

He began snatching everything up and shoving it back into the cramped space, not caring how unorganized it was for once.Frankly, he was just completely over this day and wanted to go home.He spun on his heel to get more and almost bumped right into Eddy.The shorter senior held a pencil out toward him, smiling.Which annoyed him even more. What the heck was he so happy about, the jerk!

“Dropped this, Sockhead!” he announced cheerfully, tucking it behind Double D’s ear. He bent over to help him pick up his things and Double D couldn’t help but feel briefly grateful. . . until he noticed Eddy’s idea of helping was spreading it out and making it worse.

“Is there any reason that you’re rifling through my things and making more of a mess?”Double D snapped, glaring down at Eddy who froze.“Uh, you got one of my notebooks?”

“No. I don’t.” He emphasized.

“You have one of Ed’s notebooks?”

Double D narrowed his eyes at him.Like he would ever have a need for Ed’s notebook!He was not in the mood to deal with this level of ridiculousness from Eddy right now!Not after he’d spent the entire day being a jerk to him along with everyone and everything else!And if Eddy did insist on doing this right now, well, he could lie better than that!

“Okay, okay, you got me!” Eddy sighed, stuffing his hands in his pockets.“I got stupid algebra homework over the break, I figured you had some math notes or somethin!I was gonna swipe it when you weren’t lookin, but I can’t find it in this mess!”

“Typical.” Double D sighed angrily.  That was a better lie at least  he still didn't have time for it however.  He slapped his armful of books in the locker and Eddy watched in alarm.“Whaddaya doin?!”

“Putting my things back in my locker so I can go home.” Edd said slowly, like Eddy was stupid.Considering the way he acting a few minutes ago...

“Yeah but you’re just crammin it all in there!It’s gonna be all messed up til you get back!Why don'tcha go on and reorganize it before you go?” Eddy said and Double D stared at him suspiciously. 

“Since when do you care about my organizational habits?”

“When I’m the one you’ll call at two in the morning freakin out over it!” Eddy frowned.“You’ll stress out about it, obsess over it, and drive me crazy talkin about it!All cause you didn’t do it now when you had the chance!”

Double D watched him suspiciously for a few minutes longer before sighing.Eddy was clearly trying to stall him, but he wasn’t wrong: He would so do that.He did it their first break back in their sophomore year.Eddy wouldn’t talk to him for a few days after he’d forced him to wake up early and give him a ride to school so he could get it done before class.

He looked over at his messy locker and let out another sigh.With his organizational system, this was taking at least an hour.

“Will Kevin be done by then.”

“What?”Eddy laughed nervously and Double D cut him a look so he’d cut the crap.“Whatever he’s planning that everyone is trying to keep me away from and your clearly stalling me for.Will it be done within the time I’ll be done organizing my locker?”

Eddy shifted his eyes to the paper stack then back at Double D and shrugged.“Yeah, sure.I guess so.”

“Wonderful!Surely you won’t mind assisting?”Edd smiled as he handed Eddy a stack of his papers and books to hold and Eddy gave his own sigh of defeat as he grumbled a “No.”

 

* * *

 

“Decorations?”

“Check!”Marie and Jimmy smiled as the took off their dirty smocks.

“Picnic basket and the blankets?”

“Check!”Sarah called as she finished smoothing the last wrinkle out of the blanket and Ed sat down the basket next to it, minus one box of Chunky Puffs, which he’d already devoured.Seriously, Double D wouldn’t miss a box of cereal...

“Cheerleaders?”

The group of girls began cheering in excitement, shaking their pom-poms, kicking and jumping.

“Great. Camera to record whatever happens for prosperity,” Nat took out his cell and shook it before putting it back in his pocket and crossing it off the clipboard.“check. Lights?”

Rolf plugged them in and the decorations lit up, drawing oh’s and aw’s from the group.

“Great.Loverboy?”When Nat got no answer, he frowned. “Kevin, that’s you!”Silence and everyone looked around in confusion.“Well now where did he go?!”

“Relax, I’m here!Just had to grab a few last things.”Kevin replied as he walked up, setting one of the presents he had down on the blanket and holding the rest. 

“Great!Then all we need is one delectable dork and his pert ass and we can get this party started!” Nat smiled as he handed his clipboard to Jimmy.“Done!” Kevin replied as he sent a text out and Nat began shooing everyone out the clearing. 

“Places!He’ll be here any minute!” He rushed as everyone went to hide.Before Nazz took her place, she tapped Kevin on the shoulder.“Hey, Marie said you sent Double D a note.”

“Yeah.”

“You have his number.Why didn’t you just text or call him to come here instead of making Eddy deliver the message?”

“Cause Eddy is a spiteful big mouth and if I didn’t include him, I figured he’d blab everything to Edd.Then I’d have to bop him one and that would upset Double D.So I figured it was easier to let him feel like he was helping.”Kevin replied.

Nazz thought about it for a moment before nodding in agreement as she took her spot.The more she thought about the more she could see it.

It still made more sense to text though.

 

* * *

 

The two were only halfway done with the locker when Eddy finally got the text he was waiting on.“Finally!Get goin, Double D!”He announced dropping the arm full of papers he’d been holding save the folded one he’d been looking for the whole time and dusting paper bits off his pants.

“Eddy!You’ve made a mess of the papers I just put in order!Now I’ll have to—"

“No time!Shovel Chin’s waiting on ya!”Eddy insisted, taking Double D by the shoulders and guiding him around the mess and toward the exit to the hallway that lead to the green house.

“I have to finish cleaning and organizing my locker!”

“Yeah, sure, later!If you don’t hurry up, you’re gonna be late!And trust me Double D: you don’t wanna be late!”

“But I really should finish this—"

A finely manicured hand came down hard on Eddy’s shoulder.He jumped high in the air, over Double D and landed in his arms, shrieking like a little girl.They both almost fell to the ground. Edd struggled to hold them both up as he inched around. 

“Geez, calm it down, will ya!” Lee laughed as she reached over and took Eddy from Double D who sighed in relief and straightened himself up.Then for no real reason,she tucked Eddy under her arm, watching him squirm and try to free himself like a piglet.

A note fell from Eddy’s hand and she reached down and picked it up, openingand reading it, before handing it over to Double D.

“You should read that and get goin.We’ll clean this crap up for ya, won’t we Ed-diiiiie?” She cooed as she gripped him under the chin and shook him violently, making mock kissy lips at him as he glared hatefully at her.

“But it isn’t fair to make you-"

“Who’s makin?I offered!Now get!” She snapped, shoving him a toward the hallway’s exit and almost making him trip.  Double D did caught himself, straightening up with a few choice grumbling words at her under his breath, then did as he was told.He cast a look back to the two as Lee put Eddy down.The pair began to argue instantly, Eddy snapping about her almost ruining things and sneaking up on people while she defended herself and began cleaning up the mess.

He would still have to reorganize everything once he got back, but just getting it off the floor was good enough for now.It would have to be.  He paused when his lack of paying attention almost made him walk face first into the side of a metal doorway, his sneakers skidding on the tile floor. Catching his bearings, he decided now would be a good time to a moment to read the note.

****

**_Edd,_ **

**_Meet me in the school’s green house after school.We need to talk._ **

**_\- Kev_ **

 

He felt his heart flutter as he neatly folded the paper and put it in his pocket.Just as he imagined, Kevin had been up to something.As he went on his way, he realized he wasn’t sure he was ready to deal with whatever this was. 

He and Kevin had been getting along so well lately and if he were honest with himself...he really, totally, absolutely loved the time the two spent together!

He already had a crush on Kevin prior to that magical day when they’d spent the entire time at the aquarium with each other.But after had been like a dream come true and his affection had only grown!Kevin was so attentive to everything he said now, stopped calling him a dork in a mean way, and liked spending time with him even when it was in front of the other popular kids! He made attempts to be nicer to his very best friends, which he admitted Eddy made kind of tough, but the two could at least tolerate each other.Eddy was even helping with whatever this is, so that was something!

They sat together at lunch, passed notes in class, spoke on the phone at late hours, went to each others practices, and he’d even punched that horrible jock that tried to manhandle him into one of the freshman’s locker!Sure, he didn’t exactly like violence, but it was the thought that counts and Kevin was being pretty damn thoughtful these days.Plus, come on, Kevin was hot and that didn’t hurt.Especially when he wore this special pair of black jeans that seemed to tighten around the waist and accentuate his butt.He had a great smile and adorable snort when he laughed and just...gah!

He knew he was crushing harder than he ever had before on his red knight in varsity armor. He also knew nothing would come of it.Kevin was simply unobtainable to most of the school.He’d seen popular good looking kid after kid, boy and girl, approach Kevin over the past month only to be turned down flat.If they couldn’t get a date, he didn’t have a prayer.

So he ignored those feelings the best he could when he was around the jock.Acting as normal as normal could be, for him anyway, pretending to be completely uninterested in kissing those full cherry red lips whenever Kevin got too close or pushed them together just right...they probably tasted like actual cherries.He liked cherries.Juicy, tasty little things that he just wanted to savor and lap up...those ‘ _cherries_ ’. 

Yes, right, well, now Kevin needed to talk with him.Maybe he wanted to see if they could...no, he shouldn’t get his hopes up!Now he’ll be disappointed if it doesn’t happen!It could be anything!What if he was finally going to tell him he wanted nothing more to do with him?He’d been pretty distant today, but no, that was just stupid:it was because he was up to something, he’d already figured that out, stupid doubts.Plus, there was no way everyone would help Kevin break up with him—wait, no, they weren’t dating—break up his friendship with him in such a grand display.

Double D felt excitement brewing despite trying not to get too hopeful of ‘those’ ideas as he entered the green house. He made his way down the narrow aisleslined with bushes and trees toward the clearing in the middle where he assumed Kevin was waiting.

And froze once he got there, his mind doing celebration backflips.

“Oh my. . .!”He cried breathlessly as he covered his mouth and stared around with wide eyes.The various bushes and trees surrounding the clearing were cut to look like coral. Hanging from the ceiling and sitting on clear poles were shrubbery made to looks like various fish, a rather impressive looking jellyfish made of roses and vines hanging in the middle like a chandelier.White Christmas tree lights were strung in between the branches, making the entire display light up.And in the middle of the clearing sat blankets and small pillows in the shape of a circle, encased in lights.In the center of the blanket spread sat a heart cactus with a large bow tied around the pot.A couple of plates, utensils, and a picnic basket overflowing with food waited nearby.

A picnic in a plant like replica of the dome room from the aquarium?This was a date!Kevin might actually...he totally wanted to ask him...

Speechless, Edd looked around for the object of his affection but he was nowhere to be found.Then he heard the snap of a branch and turned toward it. 

“Kevin?” He whispered in wonder—and nearly had a heart attack as the varsity cheerleading squad tumbled out around him with yells and cheers.They were dressed in what he could only describe as a mermaid get up.Some wore long mermaid skirts, the others wore green leggings, both of which had rhinestones.All of them had bikini tops designed like shells.The girls had different necklaces, bracelets, and hair ribbons and clips, all in a multitude of colors.The only common theme was that they were all sea life related in some way.

“Um...hi?”He called out to them confused as they all surrounded him to form a tight circle.Nazz stepped forward, giving him a wave with her pom-poms before they all began clapping them together.

“Ready?!”Nazz screamed and the girls screamed along with her “Okay!!!”

They all began a unified routine of splits and kicks and jumps and other psychically impossible things that cheerleaders tended to do to bend and punish their bodies as they yelled their chant:

 

“Double D! 

You’re serene! 

Being with you is like a dream! 

Other chumps just can’t compare,

so they have to stop and stare!

You’re so smart!

You’re so cool! 

Something, something, better than school!

You’re so hot and totally great!

So can we please go on a date?”

 

They all paused for a moment before erupting into cheering applause, shaking their pom-poms at him as Kevin finally came out from behind his hiding spot, looking nervous.He held up a jawbreaker in one hand with a bow tied around it and a fruit floral bouquet in the other before tossing Edd a hopeful, pleading smile.

And Edd just sorta collapsed as he began sobbing uncontrollably, pulling his hat over his eyes to hide in shame because he was crying in the first place.

 

* * *

 

Kevin listened to the cheer, fighting back laughter at the lame something line and went to make faces at Nat from their hiding spots—but instead had to motion at him to stop filming Edd’s ass and concentrate on his face!

As the girls finished up and began their self celebratory cheering of a good job done, he cleared his throat, straightened out his jacket and fixed his bang before picking up the jawbreaker and fruit bouquet.  Taking a deep breath, he stepped out from behind his hiding spot and watched Edd notice him. He looked misty eyed and had this big open mouthed look that showed his gap teeth through his spread apart fingers.He was shocked and speechless.Great!The plan was working!

He held up his goodies then did this ‘you wanna date me?’ smile—and Edd burst into tears and fell down to the ground while he covered his face. _WHY DID EDD JUST FALL TO THE GROUND AND COVER HIS FACE?!_

Kevin froze in fear as the cheerleaders all lowered their Pom-poms and stared in an awkward silence as Jimmy and the others stood up from their hiding place behind some nearby shrubs and watched alarmed.

“Well . . . _that_ was a reaction.” Nazz mumbled under her breath to him as Nat bite his lip and lowered his cell, still recording.

Kevin handed the stuff he was holding over to someone—he wasn’t paying attention to who—and rushed over to his precious doubled over nerd.He helped him to his feet and hugged him close.

"Edd?”He called out softly in concern.Edd shook his head, trying to pull away from him.Kevin felt his heart drop into his stomach and break into a million pieces as he let Edd go and watched him take out a handkerchief and wipe his eyes then blow his nose.

He was so stupid, this was all too much!Way too much!He should have just asked him like a normal person! In the note, or at his locker in person, or—

“Yes!”

Wait, what?

“Huh?” Kevin asked, not sure held hear that right.Double D looked up, still clutching the handkerchief close to his face and everything else just melted and blurred out of focus.That was the most beautiful smile he’s ever seen Edd give him. His eyes were closed and tears cling to the edges as his eyes as his hat sat kinda lopsided on his head, showing more hair than usual.He was really gonna have to get that thing off: the hair looked so fluffy and soft!

In any case, he looked gorgeous and Kevin could only stop and stare, breathless himself now as Edd answered him. “Kev, I’m so sorry! I had such a bad day, and I didn’t eat, and everyone was so mean or I thought they were being mean, and my locker hates me, and then you did this and it’s just so lovely, and I became so overwhelmed by the gesture!”Edd took a deep breath to try and stop rambling as he bounced in place. “I would love nothing more that to go out on a date with you!”

Everything came back into focus as Kevin let out a yell of victory: the cheerleaders cheered their approval as everyone else waiting around stepped out from their hiding places fully and began to celebrate and congratulate them.

 Excited, he scooped Edd up in his arms and spun him around. Once he stopped, Edd pecked him on the forehead then as fast as he could, on the lips.Kevin froze in shock as he watched Edd turn red and look at his chest, his finger tracing the fuzzy 'P' on his jacket.Yeah, no, he wasn’t settling for that.Cupping it with his hands, he lifted Edd’s face and pulled him into a kiss of his own. 

It started out soft at first.Sweet.Timid even.Then he tested the waters by seeing if Edd would let him slip in a little tongue.And then they were fighting for control and Edd tasted so good, and now there was soft biting, and good lord!, Edd just _moaned_ and man, he hoped he wasn’t pushing into Edd too hard because damn if he wasn’t ‘attentive’ as fuck right now...

 

* * *

 

Eddy and Lee finally made it to the greenhouse, chatting it up about Edd’s anal retentive organizational methods and how they just weren’t doing any of that, when they came upon said nerd and king jock making out heavily in the middle of the green house while everyone else just watched and fawned over it like they never saw two people suck face before.Granted, it was some pretty gratuitous face sucking.Currently however, Kevin was going at Double D’s neck like he was a vampire while the dork giggled, panted, and half-heartedly asked him to cut it out.

Eddy gagged as loudly as he could before Lee smacked him hard over the head to shut him up, almost knocking him into a nearby bush. As he collected himself,she started swooning while she continued watching. Or Eddy guessed cause she stilled styled her bangs to hang over her eyes, so he wasn’t sure how she ever saw anything.

“Aw!” Lee sighed lovingly and Eddy edged away from her as he rubbed the back of his head and went to stand next to Ed before she got anymore ideas.They were friends now, but his heart was still set on Nazz. 

“How long they been like that?” He asked allowed.

“Too freaking long,” Marie said with a scrunched up face as Sarah hit her arm and to chastise her.“What?!”

“It’s proof of our hard work paying off! It’s the least they can do!” The bossy half-pint insisted.

“But for so long and like...that?While we’re still here?” Marie complained, crossing her arms.“They’re together, we get it, job well done, can I go now?”  She begged as a Nazz took her by the arm and guided her away from the scene with mock sympathy.

“Yeah, I think we can go now, Kevin’s got this part.” Nat urged, herding everyone else toward the exit to give the two some privacy, smirking at the two over his shoulder happily.

 As they reached the hallway and began to scatter wherever they were going, Nat took Nazz by the hand to get her to hold on.

“Something something school?What was that?” Nat asked while Marie laughed.Nazz shrugged sheepishly. “It was short notice and I choked! Bite me!”

 


	3. Winter Wonderland: Dork Edition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> During their winter break, Kevin wants to give Double D a date to remember. But Double D May have a trick or two up his own sleeve....

“So what exactly am I looking at?”

“You tell me.”

“A box.

“Right.Go on.”

“A box of thongs.”

“Yep.”

“A box of editable thongs.”

“Yep.”

“A box of Jawbreaker flavored editable thongs.”

A slow, wide, devious smile formed on the redhead’s face.“Yep.Great, huh?”

Nat cackled like a hyena, holding his side while Nazz faceplamed, trying to understand the stupidity that was Kevin Barr right now.

“Okay, one more time: what was your plan?”

Kevin sighed loudly, annoyed that he was having to explain this to her yet again. Granted, he knew she could be a real ditz sometimes, but the concept wasn’t _that_ difficult to get a grasp on!

“Okay: Edd’s parents are leaving in a couple hours for some event or get away or whatever.My parents are celebrating their anniversary, so they’re already gone.That means I got my precious dork all too myself for the whole weekend!”

He rubbed his hands together in anticipation as the devious smirk never wavered and he let out a low chuckle under his breath, making Nazz stare in concern.“What, are you planning to tie him to some train tracks?”

“What the—NO! Starting tomorrow, I’m giving Edd a winter wonderland date!”

“Why not start tonight?”

“Cause he already made plans with those other two Dorks.Doesn’t matter, cause he won’t be thinking about them by the time I’m done!” Kevin boasted. “I’m taking him ice skating—"

“Does Double D even know how to skate?”

“I’m teaching him.Or gonna try.”He shrugged. “Worse come to worse, it’s a excuse for him to cling all over me! Ed’s got him immune to horror movies, so I can't use that ole trick. Anyway after that, we’ll grab some lunch, then I’m gonna take him on this carriage ride in the park. You know, with lights in the trees and snow and junk. Real Christmas Hallmark card romantic stuff. Then after that, I’m making dinner—“

“Oh, Kevin no!He’ll break up with you!”Nazz cried in alarm and Kevin glared.“It’s not _my_ fault the fruit caught on fire!”

“Dude, it was cold fruit with chocolate and caramel sauce!” Nazz reminded him and Nat began laughing again as he recalled the panicked phone call from Kevin after.

“I still don’t know how you managed to do that that!” He howled.

“It’s fruit!The juice could have like, caused a combustible...compound...or something,” Kevin mumbled, his voice lowering with each word as he snatched up a couple boxes of the delicious undergarments.  Now Nazz was trying not-so-hard to stifling laughter and he ignored them both because seriously, cooking was hard, and he didn’t see **_them_** being five star chefs!Even if it was just putting fruit in a bowl, putting sauce in another bowl, and somehow managing to make it a fire hazard, it was the **thought** that **counts**!

“Look, I’m making him dinner— ** _shut up!_** —then we’re gonna grab some hot chocolate, get on the couch and watch Discovery Channel.”

“Discovery Channel?” Nazz giggled.

“ _Yes_ , Discovery Channel! Or Animal Planet. Or whatever.We’ve been watching Planet Earth and just got the deep sea stuff!”Kevin replied snootily.“They’re gonna have a whole segment on anglerfish!”

“Aw!Your boyfriend’s getting you into nerdy things!”Nat teased, pinching Kevin’s cheek before the redhead pulled away and slapped his head.“Knock it off!There’s nothing with me doing junk Edd likes!Plus come on, anglerfish are rad!Have you seen those teeth?”

“Yeah, cause nothing says romantic night in like staring at ugly fish that’ll hunt your nightmares.”Nazz said sarcastically.

“Nope!” Kevin said as he over bit his top lip and stuck out his jaw, chasing Nazz around who tried swatting him away before they all had a good laugh.

“Okay, okay, it sounds good so far!Well, except for the cooking.” Nazz admitted as she calmed down, catching her breath.“But what does jawbreaker thongs have to do with a winter themed date?”

“Well, nothing.I’m just grabbing these to see if I can get Edd to give me a BJ.” Kevin said as he grabbed a few more items and put it in the hand basket.Then after thinking about it, he added “I guess I could stick a bow on it. Make it an early gift or something.”

“Yeah, ‘Merry Christmas, Double D!Here’s my dick!’ “ Nazz mocked, imitating Kevin’s voice. He held up a pair of hand cuffs in front of his face, then put them back while he gave Nazz a side look. “Yep!The perfect gift!”

“Oh my god, Kevin, you’re ridiculous!” Nazz groaned as she slapped her forehead, looking over at Nat for help.“Tell him he should give Double D a _real_ present like a book, and not to try to con him into blow jobs!”

“Dude, it was his idea.”Kevin revealed as he held up a sheer black g-string with little white beakers decorating it.It had beaded straps crossing in the back and the words ‘Sexual Chemistry’ on the waist band.

He put it in the basket as Nazz turned her attention to Nat, giving him accusatory looks.Nat looked around then smiled, pointing at himself.“What did I do?He told me Double Darling doesn’t like giving BJs, so I suggested that finding an incentive might help!You know, give him a little push and reward for trying it out!”

"Nat!"

"I'm just trying to be a good friend!  I don't see you trying to help Kevin get laid!  After seeing Double D's ass, I should be trying harder!"

This started a domino effect of Nazz hounding him as they started for the register. Nat did his best to answer when he could and ignore her via gossip texting when he couldn’t, all while Kevin studied the edible underwear and imagined all the fun he was going to have with Edd once he got them on.

 

* * *

 

**We’re on the way back.He got you a fun surprise!**

 

Edd rolled his eyes at the thought as he sat his phone down and began preparing to put the food on plates.

Nat and Kevin in a sex store.He dreaded to think what the pair could have dug up for him. If it was that stupid cat suit, so help him...well, not the black one with the bell collar and the fur shorts, those were cute.  Granted, the shorts were cut kinda high and looked like they'd be murder on his crotch...but cute.  That _other_ black one, the bodysuit that doubled as a spandex death trap? Yeah, no, he was so never putting that crap on!

He stuck decorative toothpicks in each of the buns then stood back to look at the display and smiled.

Kevin wasn’t the only one who could think up nice surprises.He knew the redhead planned a nice weekend for them starting tomorrow, but with his parents leaving earlier that morning and Kevin so easily buying into his wanting to spend the day with his friends without really checking into things (Eddy and his family were out of town and Ed and his family had their grandmother to contend with the entire weekend), he didn’t see why he couldn’t get things started a little early.

Nat got Kevin preoccupied easily with his idea to go to the fetish store and with Nazz there to ensure the pair didn’t go overboard, he didn’t have to worry as he got things prepared.He should have told her not to let him buy that cat suit.Maybe there was still...no.No time.They could be there any minute!

As he quickly went to go clean up the remaining mess in the kitchen then refreshen up, he was hopeful that Kevin would love the rest of the night he had planned for them.

 

 


	4. Winter Wonderland: Dork Edition 2

So let’s set the scene, shall we?

The resident King of the Jocks, the illustrious Kevin Barr™️ just valiantly came home with bags upon bags of goods from the noblest of places to buy one’s wears: a sex shop.One where the lights line the walkway to guide in customers.Was that really important to bring up?No...but it’s mildly interesting and sometimes, those lights flash. ** _FLASH!_**

 

. . .

 

ANYWAY, what should Kevin find upon his return,most unexpected and delightful?Why, the fair maid—no wait.That’s not right.King of the Nerds?Eh, this is Double D, so let’s jazz it up a bit—ahem—why, none other than his Roi des Dorks, the ever pleasant, awkwardly regal Eddward of Two D’s.

And what’s this?A feast fit for his royal majesty?Made of homemade bacon burgers and steak fries and a frothy chocolate milk shake? Sat atop a waxed down wooden table so clean they could have eaten the food straight off it? And did Edd really it adorned with lighting by candle light? Well of course he did, because it set the room and was romantic! The entire set up was  oooh lala, très magnifique!

Kevin lowered the bags to the floor and looked at Edd in amazement, his royal sweetness returning a shy smile before staring at his feet, blushing so badly he could match Kevin’s hat.

“I wanted to surprise you, so I asked Nazz and Nat to take you out.She left me her guest key and I may have straightened up a few things before I made you dinner,” Edd admitted softly.When Kevin didn’t immediately answer, he continued.“I know we made plans for tomorrow, but I suppose I couldn’t wait and after the lovely way you asked me out, I just wanted to surprise you.”

Edd began fidgeting with his hat the more nervous he got, looking away from Kevin, who unbeknownst to him, was inching closer and closer.“It may not be much, and I’m sorry it’s not as extravagant as what you did—!!!”

It’s hard to get any words out when a pair of soft, sinfully delectable lips were trying to suck all the air out of his body at the same time.

Though come on, Kevin thought he did well!He lasted a whole, what? _Maybe_ four minutes before he took Edd by the hands, pulled him into his arms and began ravishing him with kisses?That was a new personal best!Besides, the only thing that could ever taste better than a home cooked meal, was Edd‘s kisses.

His sexy without even trying, thoughtful, sweet, soft-lipped— _damn it, he just moaned into his mouth again and he knows that goes straight to his junk!_ —Edd.Kevin scooped him into his arms bridal style, Edd wrapping his arms around Kevin’s neck, neither chancing breaking the kiss as Edd was carried over into the living room.

Placing him down on the couch, Kevin leaned over Edd before he pulled Kevin down on top of him, hooking a leg around the red head’s waist to hold him in place, doin the same with his head by flattening his palm against the back of it to cradle it.Their kiss became heated, more possessive and needy, and soon Kevin wasn’t so sure who was in control anymore.  Which is weird because obviously it was Edd, the answer is always Edd.

Then there was this shift, because Kevin was trying to properly balance his weight and not crush Edd, right?And like, their junk brushed together and Edd arched his back and let out this purrfect moan, leaving his neck wide open.So Kevin decided this was the best time to give it a lick and suck on that spot he knew drove Edd crazy, and as a result, it made him moan louder and continue to grind their hips together.  Kevin felt himself getting increasingly hard but more importantly, he could feel that the friction was making Edd increasing hard.Before he knew it, Kevin was being pushed back while sweet, innocent, wholesome Edd helped him remove his tank top and hat—it got caught in the crossfire, poor thing—and threw it on the coffee table before beginning to help him unbuckle his belt.

He didn’t need the help of course, but it was fucking hot seeing Edd hastily trying to get in his pants, literally, and being so damn gung-ho about it!Then there was the possibility of where this was leading.They hadn’t done that yet.Kevin had wanted to, for a while now, even before they started dating because Edd was a sexy, sexy nerd.And seeing that need being reciprocated?  Well, Kevin was glad his pants were being loosened up because they had become unbearably tight.

He went to stand up and finish taking the offending articles of clothing off, spontaneously thinking about his dick springing out of his boxers and smacking Edd in the face because he was literally _this_ close to his crotch, laughed at that thought, made a bad shimmying move as he went to get off his knees and on to his feet and. . .

. . .slipped on his jeans, tripped, roll off the couch and fell on the floor, hitting the back of his head on the coffee table.

He cursed aloud as Edd gasped in horror, covered his mouth and quickly ran to nearest room where he could make him a cold compress, boners quickly forgotten.

The smoothness of Mr. Barr, ladies and gentleman!We’ll return after these messages!

 

* * *

 

We now return to graceful Mr. Barr and the sweet Mr. Vincent, cuddled together on the couch, Edd tucked beneath one of Kevin’s arms.

He was still just in boxers but the moment had long since passed and for reasons only known to him, he was decidedly against putting a shirt back on.It made the mess he made wolfing down the burger a bit easier to clean off, so a plus?

Maybe he was hoping Edd constantly seeing his amazing abs would rope him back into wanting to have sex but so far, his Champion of Dorkitude was content to sit on the couch and watch-what the hell was this-oh, yeah!Bill Nye!  That science guy!  And if he were honest, Kevin was fine with it too.Just having Edd in his arms, head laying on his shoulder while he held this lukewarm towel against this now not-so-throbbing bump on his head was pretty rad.  Not exactly how he pictured the rest of the night going just thirty minutes ago but it was-

His dick twitched when he felt a hand graze over it ever so slightly and he looked over at Edd, who was looking at the telly with laser-like focus as he grabbed what he was reaching for: a few kernels of popcorn from the large bowl sitting on the coffee table.

He watched him eat them, munching so happy, then do it again, once again grazing his now awaken penis.

He moaned and closed his eyes by the forth time, missing the knowing quick side glance and mischievous glint in sweet, pure, innocent Edd’s bright eyes.

“Hey.”

“Yes Kevin?”

“You know if you do that again, I’m not responsible for my actions, right?”

“Oh?  Is that right?”

That playful smile, that growing glint in those big eyes while they did the innocent batting thing, those cheeks already starting to turn a light shade of pink, and oh man, those perfectly kissable lips!  


Kevin pounced as Edd protested playfully, tossing the towel off into the ether as he pulled Edd on top of him to straddle his waist while he laid flat on his back.  Edd leaned in for another kiss, fingers running through Kevin's messy locks as he begun to move those slender hips and work that sexy nerd magic and putting Kevin under his spell.  Edd went to sit up straight, going just a little too fast. . .

. . .and he teetered to the side, his foot catching nothing but air as he caught himself on the coffee table while Kevin caught him by the waist and held on tight.This didn’t stop him from sending the bowl of popcorn flying, making it rain puffy, buttery goodness.  They sat there, puzzled and alarmed by the couch and coffee table’s refusal to cooperate and what ever deity’s sinister plans it was to cause the two physical harm just for wanting a little hanky-panky. 

“So,” Edd began softly, sounding a little shaken and looking a nervous.“I never did ask what you bought today.”

Kevin remembered the bags still on the kitchen floor and gave him a smile that would have made The Grinch proud.“How about we ditch the couch, go to my room, and find out?”

“Shouldn’t we clean up the popcorn first?”

“Later.No more distractions.”Kevin leaned forward and gave Edd a teasing kiss on the lips.“Whaddya say?”

“That I have never understood why someone took three full words and made it into one of silly sounding nonsense.”Edd joked as he rolled his eyes, pondering the possibilities before letting Kevin up, getting to his own feet.

He made his way towards the direction of Kevin’s room, paused to give Kevin a coy smirk before slowly entering and letting the soft click of the door closing being his final answer.

Kevin felt his heart skip a beat and the blood rush to one very obvious spot as jumped to his feet.  Without another word, he rushed, careful not to clumsy himself out of a good time again, eyeing the couch and coffee table in particular, even pointing at the offending hard wood in warning before making it into the kitchen, grabbing the bag with the food thongs in it before making his way to his bedroom where his dark haired beauty awaits.

 

 


	5. Winter Wonderland: Dork Edition 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Caution for sexual stuff in this chapter. If you don't wanna read, wait for / skip to the next chapter.

“. . .”

“Well?”

“I am still not putting any of it in my mouth.”

“Oh come on, they’re jawbreaker flavored!”

“That pair is also currently on your body, nestled comfortably against your nether regions, for lord knows how long.Absolutely not.”

“I just put 'em on!”

“Good for you.  No.”

“But it’ll be fun!All you have to do is chew them off. . .”

“I know how to eat things, Kevin.”

“. . . and then you, you know. . .”

“I do, which is why I'm not doing it!”

The redhead sighed loudly and honestly, so over dramatically that it made Edd roll his eyes in response.“I am sorry Kevin, but the answer is still no.I have never, and will never, do. . . _that_!”

He shivered at the thought of it in disgust.“Think of how absolutely unsanitary it is!You secrete waste from—"

"Alright, alright, you made your point!You’re making this awkward: _don’t make this awkward_!”Kevin laughed, taking Edd by the waist and pulling him close.

“Does this mean I can I do whatever I want to you then?”Kevin asked seductively and Edd blinked rapidly as he was pinned beneath the fruit roll up thong clad redhead.

“Like?”

“I’ll get. . . _creative_.”Kevin teases as he captures Edd’s lips into a hungry kiss, their hips grinding together as Edd’s need strained against his underwear.He finally relented, letting Edd breath, who was dazed for a few seconds before he asked.

“Do we need a safe word?”

Kevin shook his head a little, unsure that he heard him right. “A what?”

“A safe word.In the event that things take a unexpectedly unpleasant turn and I need you to stop?” Edd insisted and Kevin howled with laughter.

“What the- _NO!_ Dude, it’s not _that_ kind of party!. . .yet.”

“Yet?”

“We need to work to get to that kind of stuff, Dork.” Kevin winked.“Besides, you’re talking about crap that would need safe words and I can’t even get you to be okay with BJ’s?!”

“You _urinate_ with of your penis, Kevin!”

“I’m about to do a _lot_ of things with my penis, Edd!”

“I just don’t like the idea of tasting the residue of jawbreaker, urine, and pre-ejaculatory fluid all at once." He paused to ponder what he said and added "Or at all for the latter two!”

“You’re making this awkward again!”

“You made it awkward with your insistence of my performing the unsanitary notion of fellatio!”

“. . .Have _you_ ever gotten one?”

Edd opened his mouth to respond but faltered into silence.  Crossing his arms, he haughtily stuck is nose in the air. "I. . .have not.  Doing so will not make me budge on giving you one, I must warn you."

“Fine by me." Kevin shrugged. "Still, I’ll tell you what.If you’ll let me, I’ll give you a blow job.Right now, before we do anything else, so you at least get a chance to know what it's like.”

“. . .Why do you want to taste the residue of—"

“I won’t, cause you’re not wearing jawbreaker fruitroll up ass floss and you’re literally the cleanest person I know!If anything, I’m worried this is about to be the equivalent of washing my mouth out with soap!”

“Well your mouth _is_ filthy.” Edd joked, nervousness subsiding as he unfolded his arms.  "Such fowl language and unsavory word play!"

“Ooh, you got jokes, dork?”Kevin growled as he nipped at Edd’s neck, making him giggle, before the redhead pulled back and looked into Edd’s eyes.“I mean it: if you want, we can try it.The moment you feel uncomfortable, just say ‘Eddy’, and I’ll stop what I’m doing.”

Edd frowned in confusion. “Why Eddy?”

“Because nothing can take me out of the mood faster then having to think of that shrimp, specially at a time like this,” Kevin gagging, pretending then to hurl in disgust.Edd hit his arm lightly.“Be nice!”

“I am being nice!  And pretty smart: it’s the perfect ‘safe word’, I'm a genius!”

"More like delusional," Edd continued to laugh “so we are using a safe word then?”

“For you?  Sure thing!I want to make sure your first time goes smooth—"

“I’m not a _virgin_ , Kevin.I just detest giving fellatio, nor have I ever had the ‘pleasure’ of receiving one.”

There was this weird, awkward silence between the two of them as Kevin stared at Double D thoughtfully, thinking up the time when Edd could have done that and whom he would have tried it with while Edd just waited for him to stop being shocked.  He had to wait a while, but to be fair, Kevin had gone into full blown fantasy mode, dreaming up all sorts of fun scenarios of Edd in various places doing various dirty things, making all sorts of notes of things he wanted to get him to try. . .

“I hope my lack of innocence will not be a problem for you.”Edd said finally, tired of feeling the crushing suffocation of judgement.

Kevin snapped out of his thoughts with a shake of his head, pure excitement on his face.“Are you kidding?! Hell no, that just means I can skip a bunch of steps!”

“Well not _all_ of them.  Preparation is still important!”

“And so is foreplay,” Kevin smiled cheekily.“something you never got, so who ever the lucky guy was, he was clearly doing it wrong.So the ‘safe word’ still stands:you don’t like the BJ, you say the safe word and we move on or stop all together.Deal?”

“Deal.”

He slowly inched Edd’s underwear down and off and tossed them to the ground as he peppered him with more kisses.  Delicious kisses led to heavy petting and touching.  That touching led to soft moaning as teeth grazed the inside of Edd’s thighs, leaving a litter of love marks in Kevin's wake.Those soft, almost quiet moans turned into embarrassing loud squeals that made Edd bury his face in his hands as Kevin’s mouth engulfed him fully.

No _wonder_ Kevin had been trying for one of these so badly, it felt divine! And his boyfriend was really, _really, **really**_ fucking good at it!  Like, Kevin was pretending he was a sport and was playing the hell out of it levels.  Then again, some people did think sex was a sport, so maybe this was just another Kevin excelled at!  Yes, okay, sure, he had no basis of comparison, but he was literally seeing stars, the pleasure was so good, and he was certain he wasn’t suppose to do _that_ until the main event! His back was arching, his toes curling, his wails echoing off the walls and he hadn’t even penetrated him yet! 

How in the hell was Edd suppose to handle that?!Would he pass out from the pleasure?Could he do that?Was it weird that he kinda wanted to find out?

Maybe. 

He didn't have to wait long to find out.Just as he felt himself floating into the ether, his pressure building like a pipe about to burst- and feeling mildly worried about doing so in Kevin’s mouth, what with adding to all the germs and bacteria or whatever, Kevin stopped.Just let it slip out of his mouth with a line of spit connecting them before it broke apart and stopped.It twitched as the cool air hit it and left him gasping in need and protest. 

What the- ** _how could he do this to him?!_** He was **_this_** close and he chose to stop now?!

“D-did I say the safe word by mistake?!” Edd whined as he tried to push his hips against Kevin to show him he wanted him to finish.Kevin laughed, making Edd whine at being made fun of, but the redhead ignored it as he moved his head lower, lifting Edd’s legs a little to give himself better access.  Now, Edd had read about this.It was another form of stimulation he never had the pleasure of experiencing until now.He had even been curious, shameful as it was to admit, even if the thought of it made him a little queasy, more so than the idea of giving someone a blow job.

And while it felt odd and different and made his body twist and squirm at feeling Kevin using his tongue to slick up his passage, it felt _great_.Like, he forgot what language is, levels of great. Like, his dick had turned into— _what the hell did Kevin just press against, **OH** , he did it again!, Dear Lord, he didn’t know his voice could go **that** high and he hoped he didn’t hurt Kevin’s ears!_—a leaky faucet levels of great.

This was the sweetest torture he had ever been put through.  There was no way in hell he would last the moment Kevin actually entered him and he knew it.He could barely contain himself now and was thankful that Kevin had pulled his serpentine like tongue away from him and was now instead using his lubed up fingers to open him up further.Though he kept brushing his finger tips against that same spot and it was driving him crazy!

“Kevin!”He whined desperately, gripping the sheets beneath him.

“Yes?”Oh, he sounded just _so_ smug and full of himself!He knew what he was doing and was doing it on purpose (and damn well)!

“Can you, can we, I need-"

“Come on babe, tell me what you want me to do.”Three fingers in, caressing that spot while Kevin slowly licked a trail from his collar bone to his neck and began sucking and kiss down on it.

“Tell me what you need.”

Oh how to put this delicately. . .

“I want you stop teasing me because I need you to fuck me! ** _Please!!_** ”

 . . .or not.

Kevin laughed as he prepped himself, taking off his delicious undergarments and tossing it towards the garbage.He slapped a condom and lubed himself and Edd once again before spreading Edd's legs apart further, positioning himself between them as he lined himself up with Edd’s entrance.

What happened next made Edd believe that even if he had had sex before, that Kevin had been absolutely right: _clearly,_ it hadn’t been done right, because this, with Kevin, was amazing.There were no words.Mostly because he couldn’t focus long enough to form even the most basic of sentences as he lost himself to the blissful feeling of Kevin filling him over and over again. That was, until Kevin flipped them so that Edd could straddle and ride him and they tumbled off the bed, getting tangled in the sheets as they came crashing to the ground with them.

They didn’t let that stop them though.They simply laughed and continued on the floor once they got partially detangled.

Tears of pure bliss clung to the corners of Edd’s eyes as he rocked his hips back and forth, feeling a strong hand wrap around and stroke him into completion.His back arched one final time, the room filling with the cries of their passion as they came together like a crashing wave.

They laid next to each after that, canoodling, enjoying the feeling of simply being together.

“Kevin?”

“Yeah Edd?”

“Would it be alright if I had a pair of those jawbreaker underwear?I’m quite hungry, yet too exhausted to go to the kitchen.”

And that’s how the first night of their first winter date went: laughing, talking, and cuddling on the floor while the pair ate through the package Jawbreaker underwear.

 

 


End file.
